We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
