I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
