What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize