I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
