i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
