it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize