epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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