so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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