every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
