God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
