Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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