i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
