Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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