Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
