if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I seem to have left my pride at pride
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
