you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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