Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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