I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
