Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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