Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
