it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
