did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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