Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
