Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
