Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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