Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
