I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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