What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
