i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
