Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Terrible idea I love it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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