This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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