I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Come on in and take your pants off
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
