My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
