the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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