If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
