you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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