i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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