I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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