Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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