We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
