we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
