what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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