Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
