quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
