What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
