it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She needs sedatives and a leash
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
