Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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