Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
