If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
