I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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