i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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