Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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