party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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