we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
