Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
