I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we should paint friendship bongs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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