this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
As shirtless as possible
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
