i just google imaged poop.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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