what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
