I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
