im having a threesome with these popsicles
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
