I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
