if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
