I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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