Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize