Got a toothbrush?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
