i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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