dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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