If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
