dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
