when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize