when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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