This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
