i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
