Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
