i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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