I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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