i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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