I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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