I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sorry about my life...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
