i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
