Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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