I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
