at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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