Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i used baking grease as lip gloss
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
its liver damage thursday
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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