u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
