Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
