I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
