taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
