Sorry, I don't speak sober.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
