I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
