would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
