Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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