my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
