You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she smelled like a LAN party
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
