I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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