on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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