we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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