I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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