wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
