Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
